Things That Work #5: Volunteer at the School

Not in your kid's class, of course. Nothing seems to cause the administration and teachers to circle the wagons faster and harder than a parent who wants to SEE what's actually going on in the classroom.

No, I'm talking about other stuff. Anything, really. Contribute to the school snack program. Do a once-weekly shift helping the smaller ones to read. Go along on the school trips. I particularly recommend anything that brings you into contact with the school administration in a context that does NOT involve your child's (mis)behaviour. Me, I'm secretary of the school council. I take the minutes (a job everyone else hates) and I offer my thoughts at the once-monthly meetings, and I get to hear what issues the administration is currently juggling.

Why? Well, I can never decide if my reasons are warm, human-connection ones, or manipulative, Machiavellian ones.

For one, it forces them to look at you with a label around your neck that is not just "Mother of That Kid". It's harder for them to keep you at arm's length when you've also helped organize the teacher appreciation lunch, or cut out a zilllion little numbers for Math Night, or baked three of your amazing pies for the bake sale, or whatever. And when it's a T.K. kinda moment, and we are on the carpet because T.K. lost his temper and hit someone, it helps keep things on an even keel if the principal and I both know that we'll be seeing each other three hours later at the council meeting, and I'll be the one taking down everything she says, and she'll be listening to my perspective as a parent at that school.

It possibly also makes them more reluctant to cheese you off. Schools need volunteers, and as a volunteer, you get to meet the other movers and shakers, and make friends with them. When you're part of that power structure, you're harder to push aside or ignore.

It also helps them realize that you are a thoughtful, intelligent, committed parent, and not the stereotypical ignorant slacker mother that they think is the main cause of kids like T.K. Sorry, folks -- revisit your assumptions. T.K. has educated, involved, contributing parents. Sad to say, but when people pigeonhole you, they've stopped thinking about why you are the way you are. It's an excuse to stop thinking, really. When they can't pigeonhole you so easily, they can't pigeonhole your kid easily either.

And finally, for YOU, it's more important than you can imagine, to have a reason to walk in that school door with your head held high and a big confident I-belong-here smile on your face. If you're only ever in there because your kid's done something wrong, you'll hate the place, you'll develop a hangdog slink the second you turn up the front walk, and that way lies marginalization. So what if your kid doesn't always do what they want. It's YOUR school too, and his, just as much as anyone else's.